


i need help

by Lpsloverlol



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Roxy Lalonde, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Depression, Feelsy, Gen, sadfic, whoops man idk i was feeling the kin and muse feels so ayy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 08:03:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12552932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lpsloverlol/pseuds/Lpsloverlol
Summary: After every party, Roxy feels that good ol' depression.So she makes a decision. She's going to stop drinking.But for that, she's going to need help. She'll have to allow herself to accept the help of her friends.**Has reference to alcohol and alcoholism**





	i need help

Party animal.  
Happy-go-lucky.  
Life of any event.

Local drunk.

 

I have a reputation of alcohol filled nights and hang-over ridden mornings. I also have a reputation for being the excited little blonde standing in the centre of the party, drunk off her ass and singing to Sia.

Playing truth or dare like a group of kids, getting dared to take a drink for every three hipsters I see pass by. One… Two… Three, Drink! Every time, I go with it, because I know I’m not strong enough to say no to a drink. I end up drunk enough that the party goes by in a flash and next thing I remember is crying in my bedroom afterwards. Next morning, a mess as always.

Tons of texts on my phone, ignored. Knocks on my door, ignored. I know it’s Dirk or Jane worried about me but I can’t bring myself to face them. I’m too ashamed. I’m too weak. I stay in my room, too hungover to bother with cleaning. I grip the empty can still in my hand, hoping nobody has to suffer from seeing me like this. This is my problem, it’s my responsibility. I need to deal with it myself. It’s not their burden. They shouldn’t have to fix me like the broken doll I am underneath.

I look in the mirror, at my smudged makeup and dark eyes from the late night, and sigh. I want to heal. I walk to the bathroom, grabbing the glass on my nightstand along the way. I fill the cup with water and pull a bottle of pills out of the cabinet. I take an idle sip of the water only to realise just how dehydrated I am. I pop a few painkillers in my mouth and greedily drink the water and get more, making sure I don’t make myself sick in the process. I let out a satisfied breath. Water is so good. I decide to work on taking my makeup off before getting into the shower, where my subconscious decides that’s the best time to pick up on the self-deprecating thoughts. After a good cry, I dry off and find myself standing in front of the mirror again. I feel at my face like it’s a new being I’d never encountered. Something I also do every time.

But this time is different. I make the decision to get help. This time I’m going to do it.  
This time it’s going to work.

I begin to hear the knocks I had blocked out earlier again. I smile softly and with a new set of clothes, I go to answer the door.  
I stop to peek through the peephole.  
It’s Dirk. I open it slowly, shame and dread filling me. When I get a good look at his face, he doesn’t look disappointed. He actually looks worried.

Once he notices the door is moving, he pushes it the rest of the way and immediately hugs me. “Holy shit Roxy. You scared us. Are you okay? Are you hurt?”  
My reply sounds more bitter than I meant it to, “only on the inside.”

Dirk makes a sound that I can’t quite make out from how tight he was hugging me. I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes as he starts to lead me back into my room. He’s frantically texting someone, probably Jake, I think sourly. Damn it feelings, this is not the time.

“Jane and I were really worried, Roxy. You weren’t answering either of our texts. What happened?” Oh. So he’s texting Jane then. That’s… not what I thought at all. I try to play it off. “Oh, y’know, another rager.” My voice sounds like absolute shit. “Roxy…” I know what he’s saying with that. He’s disappointed. It was only a matter of time I chase him away too.

 

He hugs me close to his chest again and the shock of the action makes the tears fall. I sob silently in his arms, clutching his arms and what else I can so I don’t collapse right there.

 

“I’m so sorry Dirk. Dirk.. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t want this. I don’t want to continue like this, Dirk. Dirk, I… I want help, Dirk. I need help.”

 

Please...


End file.
